Issued under the authority of His Majesty, Chairman and Chief of Security and Loud Barking. The absence of an actual threat does not invalidate the response.
Latest Bulletin · Incident HM-003 · Date Withheld by Royal Preference
Unauthorized Squirrel Activity
Threat level
Elevated · Activity Near the Fence
Disposition
Surveillance continues.
The suspect declined to identify itself and departed vertically. Surveillance continues.
During a routine inspection of the royal perimeter, His Majesty observed an individual occupying the fence without an appointment, identification, or any apparent respect for rank. The individual was carrying what investigators believe to have been a nut.
His Majesty issued several increasingly clear verbal instructions. The suspect responded by continuing to be a squirrel. Its subsequent departure has been recorded as a successful deterrence operation, although the possibility of a return visit remains unacceptably high.
Filed under His Majesty’s authority. Requests for clarification may result in additional barking.
Archived Bulletin · Incident HM-002 · Date Withheld by Royal Preference
Unscheduled Delivery at the Royal Perimeter
Threat level
Severe · Cardboard of Unknown Intent
Disposition
Released over royal objection.
The parcel remained unresponsive throughout questioning. The Princess subsequently confirmed that she had ordered it. His Majesty considers this irrelevant.
A rectangular object was deposited at the entrance by an individual who immediately left the scene. His Majesty correctly identified this behavior as consistent with either a delivery or an attempt to avoid questioning.
The Princess later opened the package and described its contents as household supplies. Security maintains that prior ownership does not exempt cardboard from inspection. The empty box remains a person of interest.
Filed under His Majesty’s authority. Requests for clarification may result in additional barking.
Archived Bulletin · Incident HM-001 · Date Withheld by Royal Preference
Unidentified Object in the Courtyard
Threat level
Raised · Unauthorized Horizontal Position
Disposition
Resolved through volume.
The object was secured following eleven minutes of sustained barking. No further movement has been reported.
An overturned flowerpot was discovered occupying a position inconsistent with its previous assignment. Soil had escaped the designated container and several flowers appeared unwilling to cooperate.
His Majesty established a perimeter and conducted an extended verbal assessment. The Foregnome subsequently restored the pot to an upright position, an intervention security classified as evidence removal. The lack of further incidents has been attributed entirely to the barking.
Filed under His Majesty’s authority. Requests for clarification may result in additional barking.
